TWENTY- SIX

Dear Friend,

Well, here it is. I arrived at the dawn of my 26th Birthday. 26 never felt more out of reach than it does now; how ironic. Though it isn't 25 or 27, it feels like a total oxymoron as I try to keep my poise in the seam of joy and grief.

How can two feelings on such opposite ends of a spectrum be so tethered together?

I've been trying to wrap my mind around it as I also battle feeling the two. Happy Birthday has such a positive connotation. Another year, another milestone, chance, and miracle. I know I wouldn't have made it on my own. I am full of joy and astonishment that God has carried me this far. He has provided for me thus far. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude as I reflect on all that I have gotten to do. I am amazed at his patience as I stumble and sometimes doubt, yet He repeatedly chooses to confirm and prove His word to me. He has uplifted me and revealed more of himself and who I am to him than ever before.

But I'll be honest. I have also felt so much grief as I ponder and analyze everything. I have been grieving my dreams and wants that I had for myself at this point in my life. I'm grieving the "should have" or "could have." I'm grieving the dreams I once had for myself. I'm grieving the goals and plans I made as I see it all fall apart. I can't explain the number of tears I have shed or the pain of failing. But there is one thing I can say amid this grief. This grief is so full of courage. This grief is so full of expectancy and faith.

It sounds so contradictory, and believe me, it is. It takes courage to say yes to God's will and purpose for your life, regardless of what people say and think. It takes a particular faith to leave behind what you thought you wanted for something you can't yet tangibly see. Surrender isn't all that glamorous in the moments like these. Surrender is one of those actions that everyone does when it seems convenient for them, but never whole heartily commits to because, deep inside, no one wants to grieve.

The grief in Surrender is rooted in grace. It's a graceful brokenness. It's the kind that doesn't allow fear and doubt to take over because you know He is faithful to his word. If his plans are to prosper you, they are (Jeremiah 29:11). If He says he works all things for your good, he does (Romans 8:28). Oh, what a reward that waits when you act on that faith.

If there is anything I want to say to you all for my Birthday, it's this, surrender. Surrender what is not convenient for you. And sure, allow yourself to grieve, but don't doubt your decision to say yes to him when you do. He will lead you to do things beyond what you planned and take you to places you never imagined. Trust me. I'm grateful for where I am. I'm thankful for the graceful brokenness. If my plans and agenda are gone, His are the only ones in control. So I'm all in. If I ever wasn't all in, I am now. May He continue to take what doesn't belong, may He continue to flip my world upside down, and may He continue to keep me in awe and surprise. He has never let me down. So, my friend, I can whole- heartily say He won't let you down.

So this year, my 26th year, I'm all in. Will you join me in this too? Will you be all in? Will you Surrender?

With Love,

Michelle Zuniga